How to Stop Apologising for Your Tics
Tourette’s and apologising for tics can become closely linked over time. At first, saying “sorry” may seem like simple politeness. However, when the apology comes automatically after every sound, movement or interruption, it can slowly turn into something much heavier: a habit of treating your own body as a problem.
In fact, many people with Tourette syndrome learn to apologise because of years of social conditioning. Annoyed looks, jokes, reprimands and repeated requests to “control yourself” can teach the brain to expect judgement. As a result, apologising becomes a form of self-protection. It is a way of trying to reduce conflict before it starts. At the same time, though, that strategy can reinforce guilt and shame.
In this episode, we explore the difference between politeness and self-blame. For example, if a tic accidentally causes someone to be bumped or startled, it is reasonable to acknowledge the consequence. However, that is very different from apologising simply for having Tourette syndrome.
Moreover, we discuss how a short explanation can sometimes replace an apology. Saying “I have Tourette syndrome; these are involuntary tics” can clarify the situation without turning it into a request for forgiveness. In other words, information can reduce awkwardness without forcing the person with Tourette’s into a position of guilt.
Furthermore, breaking this automatic response takes practice. For this reason, preparing a few neutral phrases in advance can make difficult situations easier to handle. Eventually, the goal is not to become rude or dismissive. Instead, it is to learn that being respectful does not require feeling ashamed.
Ultimately, Tourette’s and apologising for tics should not have to go hand in hand. You can explain without begging for acceptance, acknowledge consequences without apologising for your condition, and take up space without feeling guilty for how your nervous system works.