Character and Tourette’s: Stop Trying to Please Others
Character and Tourette’s: Stop Trying to Please Others
Today a phrase stuck in my head. One of those things people say without thinking, but then it stays with you all day: “Yeah, but Marco, you need character.” I nodded, like you always do, but inside something started moving. Because everyone talks about character. Everyone. It’s one of those words that sounds deep, but no one really explains what it means.
What People Call “Character”
What is character? Something you’re born with? Something you build? Or just a label we use when we don’t know what else to say? Then I stopped and thought about it properly and realised something. The problem isn’t character. It’s the world we grow up in. We’re taught to please, to be careful, not to bother anyone, to explain ourselves all the time. Always. And if you have Tourette’s, you feel this even more. The link between Tourette’s and character becomes real, because every tic is not just a tic. It’s something you have to justify, something you have to explain, something that always feels out of place. And slowly, without even noticing, you start adjusting. First you tone yourself down, then you adapt, then you put on a mask.
Inclusion That Doesn’t Feel Real
And the strangest part is that we keep telling ourselves we live in an inclusive society. Inclusive, yes, on paper. In reality, things are different. If you have a diagnosis, you’re not really part of the group. You’re there because “you should be there”. If you get invited somewhere, sometimes it’s not because people want you there, but because they feel they have to. And you can feel that. Every time. Sometimes I think it was more honest before. If people didn’t want you, they didn’t want you. End of story. It could hurt, sure. But at least it was real. Now they include you without really including you.
Stop Trying to Be Accepted
And so I go back to that phrase: “You need character.” Maybe character is not what we think. It’s not about being strong, tough, or confident. Maybe it’s something much simpler. It’s about stopping the need to be accepted. Because at some point you realise you’ve spent your whole life wondering if people like you, if you’re enough, if you’re doing things right. But you don’t need to be liked by everyone. If someone doesn’t understand me, doesn’t want me, just tolerates me… why should I stay? Why should I force myself? Why should I adapt? And then comes the usual line: “Well, then you’ll end up alone.”
What Actually Happens
But that’s not how it works. Being alone is harder than people think. What really happens is that you start filtering people. And in the end, only a few remain. Few, yes. But real.
A Simple Story
There’s a story I always think about. A boy was organising his birthday party but didn’t have time to invite everyone, so he gave his father thirty invitations to deliver. The father delivered them. The next day, only three people showed up. Surprised, the boy asked if he had really invited everyone. He said yes, but he had changed the message, telling people he needed help moving house.Then he looked at his son and said: those are your real friends.
What Character Really Is
And maybe that’s it. Character isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s not about learning to live the way others expect you to. It’s about having the courage to stay who you are, and letting go of those who don’t fit. And maybe, with Tourette’s, that’s exactly what character is.
In the end, maybe character isn’t something you have. It’s something you stop losing.
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